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OUR VICTORIOUS HEART -- A Journey With Nicole through Trisomy 18

by Jim Reynolds⁽¹⁴⁾



I've decided grief is like the wind on a gusty day -- a nearly constant tug whose intensity can never be predicted. At times it's a light breeze -- almost comforting in the way it gently disturbs things; it's not just " grief; " it is memory... reminder... a pleasant echo… peace. Other times, it has been like a gale – as though it tears right through my clothes, down to my bones and heart, and all of " me " is flapping helplessly in this overpowering force like a tattered flag. Thankfully, for the most part, these intense experiences have faded... but it still gets quite windy some days.

Circumstances sometimes come along that bring back our pain with startling clarity. These are the days when the wind blows its hardest. For example, I’m a pastor and by February, just three months after Nicole went to live with her other Daddy, my responsibilities set the wind to howling. In that time, I had to attend three funerals. I was called to our local hospital to visit several people. Though none of the patients I saw were in Nicole’s last room, the rooms look alike and the dread was nearly panic-inducing. I also supported a friend at the bedside of his dying mother-in-law. Granted, this woman was in her 70’s – but she was undergoing the same process of congestive heart failure. She was making familiar noises. She was attached to equipment I knew well. The room smelled the same, sounded the same, and that same sense of “expectation” gathered like a low fog.

Through these experiences, God taught me something about the winds; they are grace – a gift. One of these rooms could have been the same room where Nicole died, but I was spared that. The first funeral I merely attended, and of the two I performed, none were held in the same place as Nicole’s. God gently guided me forward, back into my responsibilities – back into my new “normal”. The wind – even when strong, was part of His healing! This is how God works in all our lives when we are willing to see it and trust Him.

He also reminded me that every wind brings change. In the Spring, windy days can signal the coming of warmth. In Summer, they might warn of an approaching thunderstorm. In fall, they often mean cooler days are on their way. Nevertheless, every windy day inevitably gives way to sun and quiet. As Scripture says, “Weeping may last for the night, but His joy comes with the morning” ( Psa. 30:5.) This is more than a flippant, “April showers bring May flowers” cliché. It is not the often-abused platitude that “God makes all things work together…” ( Rom. 8:28) It is dependence, trust, leaning into Him and choosing hope.

Our world was flipped upside down and shaken for months. From all I’ve read and the people I’ve talked with, I don’t expect to ever “get over” this grief. The wind will always blow and I am certain there will yet come times when it threatens to snatch me away. There will be temptations to give in and let it control me. There will be opportunity for bitterness and complaint with every new gust. My hope, our choice, is instead to treat each wind as a carrier designed by God to bring the grace we need.

When the wind is roaring around you, and blowing dark clouds in with it, it’s hard to remember this grace. Still, the same wind that brings the dark clouds will also chase them away. Peace will return. It’s a promise… as sure as the sunrise tomorrow… the wind again sometime after that… and sun again.

To be continued...

Walk WITH Jesus,

Jim

Normal 0 Biographical Note: our third child, Nicole Grace, was born with a fairly rare chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 18. Down’s Syndrome, to give you some perspective, is also known as Trisomy 21. When the 18 th chromosome is effected, it usually results in heart malfunctions, under-developed brain function, and, in general, a “failure to thrive.” Most babies born with Nicole’s condition die in their first month; 90% do not survive their first year. Her name means “Victorious Heart of Grace” and, before she was born, I felt like God told me, “Hers is not the only victorious heart you will see.” I had hoped that meant she would be healed… on earth; instead, she went to live with her other Daddy after only five and a half months, succumbing to congestive heart failure, brought on by a bout with pneumonia. Her life was quite short and yet, apparently, she fully accomplished her purpose, having in some amazing, God-fashioned way, touched thousands of lives across the world. Plus, the influence of what “Daddy” has done in our lives, because of her, continues. And I hope, through my writing, through “comforting others with the comfort we ourselves have received” ( 2 Cor. 1:4) to see many other “victorious hearts.”

Copyright – Jim Reynolds – all rights reserved

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Article submitted Thursday, May 28, 2009 & read 1162 times.

Leave your comments through World Wide Bible Studies:

» left by P. Maddox from Cali (2 years 260 days ago.)

Your story is very touching. I look forward to reading more. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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» left by Teresa^(1,648) (2 years 260 days ago.)

Hi Jim, thank you for sharing your story in such a way that brings courage to the reader. The Scriptures you quote take on a whole new perspective and depth when associated with your story. It allows me to apply them to my life in a real way. The tragedy of your loss has proven God's word that nothing is in vein for those who love the Lord and allow him to use our situations to conform us into the image of Christ. I am praying for a multitude of healing for those who happen across your story. Blessings, Teresa

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» left by Jerry Welch from San Jose, CA. (2 years 258 days ago.)

I was one of your prayer partners when this happen to and your family, thank you for the story and I will certainly read it.

 

Jerry A. Welch San Jose, CA.

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» left by Jim Reynolds⁽¹⁴⁾ (2 years 256 days ago.)

Hi, I remember you -- at least by name.  It was amazing how many people prayed for us.  I remember getting e-mail not only from people we'd never met, but from countries I'd never HEARD of!

Thank you for the encouragement.

I am certainly continuing to write.

 

Walkk WITH Jesus,

Jim

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