
When you grow up in an abusive and unstable environment, it is difficult to trust anyone, least of all God. How can we trust the invisible when we can’t trust people whom we see right in front of us?
At the lowest point in my life, I was beginning to plan my own suicide. There was nothing left to live for. The bad far outweighed the good and it was time to end my misery. But thanks be to God that he did not let me go and instead of committing suicide, I surrendered to him, which seemed a much scarier choice at the time. It wouldn’t surprise me if he let me down like everyone else did. To be honest, I figured God let bad things happen anyway. However, what was there to lose?
One of the first things I learned is that God does not force people to be good, he gives everybody the freedom to choose and because of this we are bound to be the victim of someone else’s selfish and destructive ways. This includes the destructive choices I made for myself which added to my misery and hurt others in the process. It wasn’t long before I realized I could no longer blame other people for my choices.
The book of Philippians shares so many beautiful things about God’s character and it teaches us to take responsibility for ourselves through the power that comes from having a relationship with Jesus Christ – “I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. (Phil 4:12-13) This has become my life’s motto in all areas. Learning to live in obedience to God is not always easy, but it is always worth it and the joy and happiness I feel in my heart is incredible and hard to contain, so I don’t try. To me this is what being born again by the spirit of God through faith in Jesus Christ means. I am still amazed that one year ago, I almost ended my life. Instead, God ended that part of my life for me and gave me a new life with new opportunities and real freedom to learn to choose what is good. Even to learn to open my heart and learn to trust God and other people with my life and my emotions. Letting love in and giving love to others without allowing fear of rejection rule my mind, was going to take the strength of God. I had nothing more to give on my own. All I knew was that whenever something good came, it didn’t last long. Either the roof caved in or the bottom dropped out, and I was left crushed and wounded.
Not so with God, he has never failed me, even when I wanted nothing to do with him. Looking back at all the terrible times in my life, I can see where he was protecting me. Time after time, I was in situations that should have taken my life. God spared me for my day of salvation. This too, is another faith builder. It is another reason to trust God. Now that I am in a new environment surrounded by people who love God and love me, I have to choose to trust them. They have proven to be trust-worthy people, but more importantly, God has proven to be trust-worthy and when I keep my eyes on him, he gives me wisdom to keep myself out of negative and harmful situations that will reduce heartbreak. But nobody is perfect and there will still be times when we let each other down. This is when I remember that I need to keep my eyes on God and continue to draw my strength from him to move forward in this new life.
I have been blessed with great friendships, a wonderful place of fellowship with other Christians, and I am learning to reach out to others who are hurting. I have been given eyes that see and a soft heart that realizes there is a reason why people behave the way they do, and the best thing I can do for them is love them no matter how they treat me. In hopes that they too might learn that it is possible to trust God and other people and through the strength and love of God, they can have freedom.
It is my hope that this will encourage readers to quit fighting God. He is not the enemy, he is the one who can free you from your prison and strengthen you to live a new and fulfilled life.
God bless you.
Lydia Najera
» left by Teresa(1,655)(2 years 206 days ago.)
Lydia, I appreciate your practical application of the scriptures as you learn the ways of God and study his word. What you shared about trusting others is a common problem among many christians and not just nonbelievers or new Christians. We tend to expect perfection from others even though we are not perfect ourselves. Thank you for the reminder to keep our eyes on Jesus - I think this is especially important for those of us who have been Christians for a while. Sometimes we get that "been there, done that" kind of attitude to studying the Bible. Blessings to you! TeresaRespond to this comment
» left by Jess from Eugene, OR (2 years 205 days ago.)We appreciate your comments!
thankyou Lydia, for opening yourself up like this, your story really speaks to my heart, i feel like you wrote this article so i would read it and understand how im feeling, and how i could be feeling, you are very brave for putting yourself out here for people to read and look into, you are a true role model, and are showing me the life that is right within my graspRespond to this comment
» left by Lydia Najera from Spangle, Washington (2 years 205 days ago.)
Thank you Jess, I am really happy for your thoughtful and true feelings I am doing the work of our Lord and Savior has called me to do. I belive that all things are possible through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, because he is the only one that can change me.
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