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Encounter With Reality

by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁹⁾ Red Star

I had been a professing atheist for 9 years. Although we had been raised in the Methodist church no one ever spoke about a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. So, even in conservative Iowa State University it was easy to be challenged and decide God didn't exist.

I knew in my heart of hearts that if he did exist, I needed to be obedient to him and I wanted to do my own thing so much I ignored logic and the Lord. Worst thing was I always fell short of the standards I had set for myself. Drew lines in the sand and proceeded to step over them time and again. I was not wild by the world's standards but was not knowing the Lord at all.

This is a poem I wrote to explain my transition process:

ENCOUNTER WITH REALITY

I was walking in the mountains

Along a dusty, narrow road

Trying to get away from it all

I had been under quite a load

I guess work was tolerable

My love life was fine

I had some good close friends

Plenty of food and wine

Picked up that course I wanted

Had gotten off on astrology

Was into Women's Lib

And had passed geology

I finally weighed 122

Was making a lot of bread

Had a really great " old man "

But something was bothering my head

I stopped to look at the purple flowers

Paused at a crystal stream to drink

Was not sure where this was leading to

But knew I had to get away to think

My life seemed all together

It was really the best it could be

But I felt all tied up and restless

And was really itching to be free

Ok, now, wait a minute

Let me think and rearrange

What would I do differently

If I could have a magic change?

He and I would be in the woods

In a small A-frame cabin there

We'd have a dog and cats all around

And a garden...that was fair...

But every time I dreamed them up.

These dreams I liked to hoard.

I knew that in a couple of months

I'd be searching, restless and bored

Is that really all there is to life?

There must be something more

If I have everything I need and want

Then what's this emptiness for?

I scuffed my toe on a rock as I wandered on

And looked up in time to see

A ragged young man, with a sore on his hand

Coming down the path towards me

Normally, I'd have been a little scared

But this guy was about my size

He smiled at me with the friendliest smile

But what really drew me were his eyes

It is hard to tell you much about them

They were the warmest hue

I know this doesn't make much sense

But they seemed ancient, yet sparkling new

He was dressed in a shirt tied round with a rope

Looked kind of like a blanket to me

With broken down sandals and dusty pants

I'd guess he was about 33

He nodded at me as he came close

" Out for a walk today? "

I told him I was doin' some thinking

And continued along my way

Somehow I knew he was still there

And I started to get a little huffy

This was supposed to be a solo walk

I was warmed by his voice, but still feeling stuffy

Before I could think up an excuse

He turned and caught up with me

" Do you feel all bound up and trapped

Like you're never going to get free? "

I stopped short and looked at him

And I felt Like blurting out " What's your scam? "

But something about him stopped me short

And I surprised myself with " I suppose I am "

I felt my stomach tied in knots

I'd been trying to keep this inside

With annoyance and exasperation I thought

Well, what have I got to hide?

We stopped for a moment and he gazed at me

" You know, there is a way "

I got all fired up and ready to reply

Then I forgot what I was about to say

I began to get really uptight

Words usually came easy for me

" I've tried a bunch of ways before

And none of them set me free. "

My gift of gab returned with a smile

Thought I'd get a chance to burn his ear

" I've tried dope and wine, people and places,

The US and Canada in my camping gear. "

" I've been into clothes and nursing

To school and worked, been both far and near

Into astrology, psychology, biology, hey,

I'm no kid, I'm 27, I was even married for a year. "

He stood there so patiently

Apparently waiting for me to go on

So, " I got divorced and dated a lot

And now I'm living with Tom... "

And he still stood there

Seeming so gentle and calm

I almost felt like a bulldozer

As I shifted gears and plowed on

" I've been 5 years in college

Got my AA degree

Have worked here and there

Whatever suited me...

Have been a volunteer

Given of my hours

Have walked in thunder

And played in showers...

Have loved a few people

Grown up a lot

Did meditation for awhile

And then a little pot...

Really like wine coolers

And outdoor mountain streams

Am fair at writing letters

Have written poetry by the reams... "

I paused for a moment

With it all passing in review

" I've done all I wanted

There isn't much that's new "

By this time I sat down

Feeling emptier inside

" I've done so much junk

There isn't much I haven't tried. "

He picked up a rock beside me

And sat down, not too near

" Have you ever given much thought

As to why we're all here? "

Mentally I clicked off

That answer too

I had it all together, at least

I thought I did, before I met you...

" I guess I believe in superior life

And all that stuff about outer space

How they came here to teach us

And looked like gods to the human race "

" What about the Bible

How does that fit in?

How about Adam and Eve

And their original sin? "

Now you've really done it girl,

You've run into a religious kook

One who still believes in god

And that ancient " holy book "

I thought about telling him off

But before I could think what to say

I glanced back into his face

His eyes clouded and looked far away

" Marijo, I knew you then

And I know you still

It was there I bled and died for you

Up on Calvary Hill "

I sat there with my mouth open

I never told him my name

I grew suddenly very quiet

This wasn't any game

I glanced at his raw hands

No, this couldn't be

I don't even believe in god

Let alone crucifixion on a tree

But something about his manner

Made me sit quite still

As I did I could almost see him

On that cross upon that hill

I looked into those soft brown eyes

My thoughts raced on and on

My life had been so empty

Could this really be god's only son?

Hey, come on, You're too smart for that

You don't really believe...

Wait a minute, shut up

The emptiness seemed relieved

The voice inside went on to say

Hey, you've dabbled in religions before

And when the novelty was over they've let you down

And have flown right out the door.

But I've never considered Jesus

And that the Bible might be true

" If you are who you say you are,

Then tell me what to do "

Suddenly I felt old and small

Even with new sweatshirt and pants

" If you are who you say you are,

Then please give me a chance? "

" There's so many things I've done

That I'm not proud of

I really goofed off and messed up a lot

And I actually don't deserve your love "

Inside me rang I'm sorry

But what was there to say

I looked at him, my tears running down

" Can you forgive me and show me the way? "

With a loving, forgiving smile he stood there

All white-robed radiant to see

" At last my child, this is your day

You now are truly free! "

" Jesus, Jesus you ARE real

And more alive than anyone could be! "

As he lifted heavenward he said

" Marijo, follow, follow ME!! "

I didn't actually meet a person on that mountain top but the Lord started dealing with me that weekend and my thought processes are like those recorded here. It was actually a matter of months before I realized God's forgiveness and salvation plan for me but I am here to say that the man-God

I finally met is even more real than the one portrayed! PRAISE JESUS!

Article submitted Saturday, August 08, 2009 & read 167 times.

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