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Submitting to your Husband:Gift or Curse? A Lesson on Ephesians 5:22-24

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!” These words sting as I reflect back on a time when they were my exact words to my dad after he read Ephesians 5:22-24 to me. "Fine, have it your way, God will break you".  Guess what—over my dead body it was. (Spiritually speaking, of course.)

As I look back on some of the rocky times in my marriage, I have to admit, most of the reasons were in my control. It was my attitude. I had such a hard heart most of my life, always speaking my mind, never thinking about how I made others feel. This attitude followed me into my marriage. It's a wonder I married at all. (I look back and think, "What did he ever see in me"?)

Three years into my marriage, I responded to God's call on my life. Trying hard to be a good Christian, I read my Bible; I went to church and to Bible study. I gained a lot of head knowledge but I had a hard time putting these foreign ideas into practice.

The biggest issue for me was submitting to my husband. So many in the church have abused this verse, and I used to think that women who submitted to anyone, especially their husbands were weak (one of many misconceptions). Over time, God softened my heart and the knowledge that I had in my head was making its way to my heart. While I am happy to say that I have "died to self", I must be honest and say that the "old" Teresa likes to "resurrect" herself on occasion; thus this lesson—but hey, if it encourages you, praise God!

"Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord, For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and without blemish, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" Ephesians 5:22-24

I see this passage a whole lot different than I did 21 years ago. I see it as a blessing and God's amazing provision for wives everywhere. I have come to learn that submission is the greatest gift a wife can give herself. That's right, I said gift. Before you get too upset, keep reading. If you've never looked at it this way before, I hope you come to see what Jesus is saying here. This passage does not put women in bondage to men, but frees them to serve God while being cared for by their husbands.

Knowing exactly what the word "submit" means, helps me to see the strength that comes with the act of submission:

SUBMIT = accept or yield to a superior force or the authority or will of another person; act of surrender; meekness and humility.

HUMBLE = showing a modest estimate of one's importance by an act of one's will.

MEEKNESS = Patient and mild, not inclined to anger or resentment.

I can't help but notice that these definitions describe Jesus. Several passages come to mind:

"...O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will."  Matthew 26:39

"For I have come down from heaven, not to do My will, but the will of Him who sent Me" John 6:38

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking on the form of a servant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death of the cross." Philippians 2:5-8

Okay, so if Jesus lived in submission, why shouldn't I?

Ephesians 5:2,  has four words; "as to the Lord". Hmm, so this means I submit to my husband as I do to the Lord? So how do I submit to the Lord? Do I submit?  What is my attitude? I realized that the only way I can fully put myself under the authority of my husband, is if I can put myself under the authority of Christ. To do this, I must have complete trust and confidence in Jesus. I need to know that He loves me and has my best interest at heart. After all, how can I trust my husband to care for me if I can't even trust the Lord?

This is where it needs to start. Knowing how Jesus cares for me is the key to submitting to my husband. Secondly, when I remember that the role of my husband is much harder than my own, it makes it much easier to submit.

Take a moment to consider how you trust God. Do you believe He will take care of you? Do you trust Him to care for you as you entrust yourself to your husband? 

Jesus said that a husband should love his wife as Christ loves His body, the church. What does this mean? Following is a short list of things to consider:

Because Jesus

Thought of Himself last,

Thought of others first,

Protects, Provides,

Gives more than He receives,

Shelters, Nourishes,

Presents me to His Father,

Answers to His Father for me,

Cleanses me, Prays for me,

Comforts and heals me,

My husband should be

Putting his family first,

Thinking of my needs before his,

Protecting me, Providing for me,

Giving me more than I give him,

Sheltering me, Nourishing me,

Presenting me to Jesus,

Praying for me and Comforting me.

WOW! And all I have to do is submit?

This changes everything for me! It's not a weak woman who submits to her husband but rather, a very strong one. It takes a lot of courage and faith to put yourself under someone else's care. God gives great place to women, the book of Proverbs is filled with warnings to men not to mess with women (paraphrased).

Just because there is a tremendous amount of distortion regarding submission, doesn't mean it isn't of God. In reality, it is a beautiful picture of the relationship between the Father and the Son.As a strong and independent woman, I did a lot of the decision-making (i.e. he made the decision and I did whatever I wanted). What God showed me is that I was robbing my husband of the opportunity to be the man God created him to be. Ouch, that hurt, knowing that I was partially responsible for hindering my husband's growth was not a good feeling. God forgive me!

It took trust on my part, but as I allowed my husband to make the important decisions on his own, and supported him even if I didn't agree, a funny thing happened. He began to ask for my input and receive my suggestions and opinions with ease. He saw that I no longer looked at him as if he were an idiot. We don't fight and argue anymore—don't get me wrong, there are still many times we disagree, but when I hold my tongue and take it to the Lord in prayer, we always come together in agreement.

By submitting to my husband, he has grown into a man who seeks the Lord for his decisions because he knows that I am counting on him. He has grown into a Godly man, he always asks for my input, and you know, most always, I get it my way.

Ladies, do yourself a favor, submit to God, and submit to your husband; it is not a curse. Lift your husband up to the Lord in prayer. Give him room to be the Godly man you desire him to be. I can testify, it is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself.

Now that I have reminded myself of this fact, I can get back to practicing what I preach.

Seems God just might know what He's talking about after all. (Grin)

(C) Teresa Ortiz 2005; 2009

» left by Edward Rhymes (2 years 165 days ago.)

Wonderfully written Teresa. I suppose it all comes down to trust. Do I trust the Lord? Do I trust his word? Do I trust His love and care for me? There are those who would manipulate and abuse this call, but God remains true. If we trust and obey Him, then we can leave the results to Him.

 

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His word, what a glory He sheds on our way;

 

While we do His sweet will He abides with us still and with all who will trust and obey

 

Chorus: Trust and obey, for there's no other way

 

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey

 

Thanks again for eloquent outline of this biblical truth.

 

 

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» left by Anonymous (2 years 164 days ago.)

Hi Edward. It's great to hear feedback from a man's perspective. Thank you! and thanks for the wonderful songs you leave me singing everytime you leave a comment. :-) Blessings to you! Teresa

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» left by Marijo Phelps from mountain meadow in CO (2 years 165 days ago.)

When I first came to the Lord I highlighted in yellow scriptures I termed "weird male/female scriptures" - I eventually grew and learned. Now I love the covering "safety net" the Lord has placed over me through my wonderful hubby! GREAT piece here. Marijo

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» left by Anonymous (2 years 164 days ago.)

Thanks for your input Marijo, I like the term "wierd"  :-)  Thankfully God is patient with us! Teresa

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» left by Tracey Watson (2 years 165 days ago.)

Hi Teresa! Well written and clear. I had a "problem" with this verse for years. Then one day in church they talked about it and it made so much sense. But your words clarify even more. Thank you again! Tracey : )

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» left by Anonymous (2 years 164 days ago.)

Hi Tracy, how are you? It's so good to hear from you!  I am so glad this was helpful to you.  God really does know what he is doing :-) Hugs! Teresa

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» left by louis gander from verona, wi (2 years 163 days ago.)

If both husband and wife gave 100% there would be very few divorces. Great article. You have lost nothing, but gained wisdom.

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» left by Anonymous (2 years 163 days ago.)

Hi Louis, how are you? Thanks for the input. I agree 100%. I gave up nothing and gained everything. Blessings to you!

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» left by servantdeb from SC (2 years 133 days ago.)

That is wonderful, but what if you get married as a baby christian. Then all of a sudden this man you thought was Christ like becomes a different person. I'm disabled and my husband takes care of me. As my daughter said that his cursing and the names he calls me has become a habit. We don't sleep in the same room. We live off the income God has abundantly provided as a disabled vet and SSDI. I feel totally useless. Also overwhelmed. I left to go home due to a death and when I returned the house was in a shack almost. He will not pray with me anymore, nor has he gone to church with me in a year. We now have four dogs part my fault but due to the economy and that I believe we owe it to our landlord to not have these dogs (one from my daughter which is pregnant) is unfair to them. I feel like Ive been here before and last time I had to take my daughters dogs and my husband wanted to start a kennel I have a judgment against me. I appreciate he wants to start a dog kennel, but the damage that it is causing here. Our new truck is dog, my quilting is difficult with dog hair. He allows them on the furniture and it is not our furniture. I have tried to put down sheets and blankets. It cost to wash! I constantly have an ear ache due to the sinus problems from the dogs. I love the dogs don't get me wrong. We don't have a fence and he chains them and puts them in the kennel. Then they don't learn how to behaive in the house and hurt me sometimes due to the wire going off the porch. I can't even describe the amount of fixing up this place will require. Not to mention that these people gave us a riding lawn mower to use. While I was gone it seems a series of bad luck happened and my husband some how ran over the keys and broke the belt and it needs a new battery. Both couches are destroyed. I try to talk to him and I get cursed at. I feel like this submission thing is saying it is okay to live anyway you want. He has now started to write checks on my account when I don't have money in it.

 

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but I have talked to God and to Jesus, I don't know what to do anymore. I quit smoking and we used to praise the Lord together and pray. Now it is like the house is totally divided. He has a very expensive electric guitar that I have to listen to at odd times that is so loud and he won't discuss with me what his desire is for the Kingdom of God. I don't like to talk about someone this way but I don't like my medicine being taken and my things being gone through and I feel guilty for writing this.

 

I've had a lot of abusive relationships in the past and I don't know what God wants me to do? It is hard to trust someone that does not like you. I'm afraid for him.

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