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Being Able To Forgive Myself

Exodus 23:20-22 " See, I am sending my angel before you to lead you safely you to the land I have prepared for you. Pay attention to him, and obey all of his instructions. do not rebel against him, for he will not forgive your sins. He is my representative --he bears my name. But if you are careful to obey him, following all my instructions, then I will be an enemy to your enemies, and I will oppose those who oppose you.

Some time ago I wrote an article on 'Learning to Trust God and others Through Christ'. Today I stand fefore you to tell you that before I can learn how to trust God and others I have to learn to first forgive and love myself through Christ. Also, to tell you the truth, I have never trusted anyone at all, not even God and especially myself. After all, I was taught that I was only good for pleasing others, and yes, I mean in every way that was sinful.

Everyone that I loved hurt me so I thought why should God be any different; but most of all I hurt myself with the sex, drugs and attempted suicides. Now that I am a baby Christian, I am still hurting myself by not allowing myself to weep from the sins of the past which could be considered rebellion.

Psalm 84:6-7 When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessings collect after the rains!

By me keeping the blame of the past, I am not releasing the darkness to the light. Just today I am learning that in order to be a servant of God with a servant's heart, I have to first turn it inward and forgive myself. Forgiving myself because my guilt and satan tells me as a child I should have been strong enough to stop the abuse or stop myself from hurting me as well as allowing others to hurt me. I still don't see my childhood as being stolen from me but have been led to believe it was my fault. Just today when talking to my roommate and sister in our Lord Jesus Christ, I have come to realize that I am still hurting myself by being a hypocrite. I mean that I can give grace to others but no grace to myself. As Marty says that charity starts at home first. How can I be charitable if I can not give it to myself first? She also reminds me that Christ died on the cross for my sins, and the visulation of me keeping him on the Cross when I do not forgive myself.

Also, that they belong to Jesus and God and not mine to claim anymore. Yes, that is true.

I know that you really do not know me, but I am saying this to you to let you know that I am going to bring the darkness of my past into the light by taking steps to forgive myself as well as letting myself see me through Christ's eyes as well as my own.

Psalm 103:3 He forgives all of my sins and heals all my diseases.

Lydia Najera.  Love in Christ

» left by Teresa^(1,655) (2 years 45 days ago.)

Hi Lydia, thank you for sharing this truth. Your transparency is a blessing and I know it will encourage all who read. How are you feeling? I am sorry I haven't had a chance to call you. I started my new job on Monday and I have very long days with no access to the net and I cannot make personal calls during my work day. Very different from my last job. Even now it is 12:30 in the morning. I suppose I should get to bed considering I have to be up at 5am to get ready for work. Anyway, I love you and I am praying for you! Teresa

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» left by Lydia Najera from Spangle, Washington (2 years 45 days ago.)

Teresa, Thank you so very much for your inspriring words because I am doing what the Lord has me write what I am working on in real life. God is still working on me.

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» left by Marijo Phelps from mountain meadow (2 years 42 days ago.)

Lydia,

 

this is a most powerful piece for you writing it and for your readers! It took me a long time to forgive myself so I do hear you. God is still working on all of us (praise Him!!!) A friend once asked me about Christ's death on the cross - it was good enough to pay the price for her and others but by not forgiving myself I was saying (in essance) that his death wasn't enough for my sins... yikes did that put things into perspective - SO I hear you, Sister. HE is able and will walk you through that darkness helping you to let Him in you SHINE! This piece is well put and well shared! Marijo

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» left by Lydia Najera from Spokane, Washington (2 years 42 days ago.)

Thank you so Marijij I am starting to realize that I am not the only one going through this and when I wrote this I was really writing it to myself, but I am glad that you have read it and feel what I am saying. I feel that I am just writing what the Lord has me to write on what is going on in my life so that others can see that we all together can get through any thing with the Lord and only him if we put our full trust in him. thank you so much for sharing with me.as well as letting me share with you in my walk with Christ.

Love in Christ

Lydia Najera

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