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Godly Romantic Relationships – Outrageous Ideas on Sex Before Marriage Series

by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ Red Star

Mick and I were seeking the Lord for our relationship. We had developed a close friendship and we both wanted more than that friendship. Most of all we wanted to be in the center of God's will for us. In Youth With a Mission there were neat guidelines about relationships (Biblical) that saved a lot of pain. If a guy or gal felt more than friendship for someone of the opposite sex they talked to that person. If the feeling was mutual they both prayed and asked the Lord what His plan was for the relationship. They also asked their small group leader to pray over the relationship. This way, you could actually hear from the Lord BEFORE your emotions got into high gear and made it very hard to hear anything.

At first Mick felt the Lord telling him to back off and not be asking me to marry him. At the same time I knew the Lord was saying that by allowing our heads to go to thinking about the romantic side of things we were not walking in what He called us to “a godly, non-romantic relationship”, since we were getting ahead of God with our emotions. This is when we decided to pray and fast including “fasting” from seeing each other until we heard more from the Lord. My small group leader asked me what I would do if the Lord said no to anything more than friendship. I said “I suppose I’d quit seeing him” She then asked “Why would you kill the friendship that He called you to….” Definitely not what I wanted to hear but this was not over yet.

If you are thinking about a life-long commitment it is best to consult with the one who lovingly created you and had a plan for your life – made sense to me! Because Mick didn’t have a small group leader at this time we ended up praying with the whole pastoral council there at YWAM. The following “word” was written after we had not spent time together for three days – we were praying and “fasting” from seeing each other. We waited to hear from the Lord. Something quite unusual happened. I was given 8 “blind reference” scriptures. I felt impressed of these scriptures chapter and verse. They were not ones I had memorized and I had no clue what was there until I looked them up. One of the books I didn’t even know was in the Bible. They were beautiful and went in a progression from our friendship to forgetting things in the past - we had both been divorced before we came to the Lord and had not lived saintly lives. Then there was a scripture about ministry -the Lord gave me one in the Old Testament and Mick roughly the same one in the New Testament! There was another about walking Godly in our relationship. One about Ruth and Boaz with Ruth coming under Boaz’s “covering”. The scripture was about sexual intimacy, indicating that we were going to be married. During my quiet time I felt the Lord laid the following on my heart:

My precious daughter (smile) sometimes you face even the positive experiences in life like going to the dentist or wisdom tooth day. Was I not there with you and in ways you never dreamed? I love you. You are now able to walk – or at least stand – in My peace. I’m glad. Think of the azaleas you saw – your springtime is about to bursting forth as I restore those Joel 2:25 years (years of the locust and canker worm) Do you not see? He is my priceless and cherished son. Open tenderness to him but guard your passion – there will be times and seasons yet to come. Walk in today and savor every minute. I’m holding you both - one by each hand - come walk with Me. Seek ye first My kingdom and I SHALL add all these other things unto you two. Relive not the memories of your past for I’ve given you today and each other. Be blessed. Rejoice and let me know your delight in that with which I’ve blessed you. Daughter, defer to his headship and mine. Look to leadership and doubt not – all things in time – My time – we’re still right on schedule. I know My ways for you two. Rest assured. I will clarify, you shall know beyond doubt.

What a blessing to be prayed over and have those who were our spiritual covering be impressed that this was God’s plan. And to have our individual prayers answered by Him who created us. We released into a furthering of our friendship and something more, a relationship with the Lord at the head that so far has lasted a lifetime!

Yes, by this time he had kissed me. OK, I had kissed him too, more on this soon. Sometimes we had dates just to talk in the library at YWAM. Other times we took my roommates with us to treat them to dinner out and so we could avoid placing ourselves into situations where self control might be compromised. God has a plan for ALL aspects of our lives and relationships, it is SO incredible.

May I add a PS, we were two normal, healthy, red blooded adults in our 30s. We had both been married before. This is a piece I wrote during that time. A fervent prayer, actually!

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you know how I always was at Christmas, trying to find out surprises, overhearing conversations, sneaking around to rattle boxes or peek through papers. If mom and dad were gone I was known to pry open package ends and peek inside. Time was my enemy, as was waiting. Patience was nowhere within me.

Is that perhaps why, on that big morning after awakening every half hour though the night that when all the papers were ripped off and the contents revealed there was a measure of happiness or joy and a measure of “is that all there is?” Was it because my focus was on things and not your birth? Was it because I tampered in an untimely fashion with those gifts?

Lord, there is an incredible gift wrapped and set aside for our upcoming wedding from you to us and then us to each other. I beseech you to let your strength be evident in our weakness! Let not even a corner of the paper be torn or wrinkled. Help us, I pray to cherish, trust, WAIT and not gobble. Oh, Jesus, help our focus to always be looking up to you. Father hear my cry. AMEN

Was it easy? Nope. Was it possible to “not awaken our love before its time”? Definitely. Stay tuned.

(C) Marijo Phelps all rights reserved. Use with proper credits.

Article submitted Monday, February 22, 2010 & read 1341 times.

Leave your comments through World Wide Bible Studies:

» left by Fran Larson from Fl (Searchwarp Author) (1 year 353 days ago.)

This is a beautifully told love story. It would be good teaching material for young people. In college, I took a "marriage and family" class (taught my a minister) that was very helpful. Keep up the good work.
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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ (1 year 352 days ago.)

Thanks Fran for your comments and for always being such an encourager! There will be many more artices in this series.

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» left by paul from nyc (1 year 353 days ago.)

When it comes to a second marriage or even a first one,it's ok to peak into the present BEFORE Christmas,or to take the car for a long drive off the showroom floor BEFORE you buy it.

Waiting isn't fullness in a zen sense in this realm.
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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ (1 year 352 days ago.)

Hi Paul ~

There are very valid reasons why one should wait and I will go into them in future articles. Both Mick and I had previous marriages and relationships (lived with people) and I can tell you there are valid reasons for waiting and much fulfillment in doing so. God is not the great cosmic killjoy in the sky - stick around and maybe we can discover why and how and who and some of the reasons for His seeming strictness. Mick and I can vouch for the fact that IT WORKS! GRIN

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» left by Angie Lewis (1 year 352 days ago.)

Marijo, your articles are great. I have to say that I am very pleased to see this view published on romance the way God intends it to be for the Christian. I would love to have your encouragement and insight on our new forums on Godly courtship. I hope to see you there and bring along your articles to publish if you want. You can use any signature to link back to your website or books too!

Email me and I will give you the link or you can find it on our website too at the top. Now bear with me, this is a brand new forum and the only people who have signed up so far is my family. I do hope to see ya there.

And again, keep these articles coming--they are so very much needed in today's Christian society.

Love in Christ,

Angie :-)

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» left by Anonymous (1 year 352 days ago.)

Angie! That sounds much needed and wonderful - point me in the right direction. I will be going into more scripture and not just the "thou shalt not" but also the WHY - what happens in the spirit in the "one flesh" union and why it definitely needs to be saved for marriage... etc.

I will toss in personal "snapshots" including 2 copperhead snakes - hum he killed six while we walked during our "courting special relationship" time, a tarantula (well, we met in Texas) and some other more fun object lessons and then the scriptures.

You are an answer to prayer here andI will e-mail you why...

Blessings,

Marijo

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» left by Linda DeWitt (1 year 351 days ago.)

I think you have found your true calling Marijo. This is a wonderful article which can help many people if only they will listen and follow directions. Keep on keeping on.
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» left by Anonymous (1 year 351 days ago.)

Thanks so much Linda. This is the intended series where I will weave in teaching from the bible we got at Youth With a Mission and tapes by Pastor Dale Crall (I already have written permission from him to use his material and he wants to read the series) Tells not only thou shalt not - but all the remmifications of becoming "one flesh" and before marriage it is quite serious. There is also part about prayer and beraking soul ties and hope on how God can resture your innocense etc. Woven in will be more of Mick's and my story (not sure how much because there are parts that are HIS story from before me....) Anyhow, this one might end up being a book....God is SO incredible!

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» left by Rich V from Pikesville, MD (1 year 351 days ago.)

Nicely done, MJ...

rich v
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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ (1 year 351 days ago.)

Thanks for coming over here to read Rich!

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» left by Teresa (1 year 350 days ago.)

Marijo, thank you for bring us this series, I am praying many young adults find there way to this series - it is needed. The world laughs at such an idea, yet we know God has something beautiful in store for those who do it His way (excuse the pun :-)) I will be following this series and praying along the way. Lots of love...T

This inspires me to write about not waiting and how it effects your marriage even when you do marry your "true love" still you rob yourself... hhm... I am praying about this one.
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» left by Anonymous (1 year 350 days ago.)

T! Write that piece! I have written 3 more today on this topic. I messes up before coming to Jesus in my life. I know from sad experience which is the very best way - sad only that it took me until I was 39 to figure it out (about Godly Relationships). I am being very candid and even crying as I relive through writing, the Lord's incredible faithfulness! You are a blessing! Thanks for praying.... Marijo

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» left by Michelle Mackin (1 year 348 days ago.)

Another example of how God can and will work in our lives. Sometimes he says yes, no or just wait. I am glad you and Mick allowed God to lead the way. It would be great for all marriages and relationships if we would follow these suggestions.

Love, hugs and blessings,

Michelle
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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ (1 year 348 days ago.)

There is such "safety", protection and covering to know that you are in the center of His will for you at that parrticular moment. Then, later when the rough times come - and they will one way or another - and someone might say "I am no good for you, you shouldn't have married me in the first place...." you can both look back and KNOW that your being married was God's best and totally rest in that - defusing whatever chaos the enemy is trying to cause at the moment. Yahoo!

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» left by Anonymous (1 year 341 days ago.)

I thought it was very helpful. Because you see i am a sophomore in college who have know this young man for 6 months but i believe in my heart that we are meant to be together so i have decided to go on month fast concerning this relationship. Hoping that i'm not putting too much into it and it's not what God wants. I believe he has spoken to me and just told me i need to wait because even though i may feel he's for me he is not a the point where he could love me the way he needs to because he needs to depend on God more. So i am learning to be patient which is not easy because everyday when i see him all i can think about is when are you going to see me the way God intend you to?
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» left by Anonymous (1 year 341 days ago.)

The Lord will not disappoint you - we ended up fasting 3 days (from seeing each other and from solid food) and the Lord was SO good! Let me know what happens - is the guy on the same page with you? He does know the Lord, right?

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» left by AJ from Indianapolis, IN (65 days 8 hours ago.)

Such an eye opening and heart stirring message. It was divinely placed before me to read. Thank Holy Spirit for using you as a vessel to share and teach!
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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁹⁸⁾ (65 days 2 hours ago.)

I might have a publisher interested in me writing a book on this topic... I have more postings here on Godly Courtship and Biblical standards for "sex before marriage..." AND my thanks to Dale Crall , youth pastor who lectured on this topic and I first learned the "why wait" Biblical answers!!

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