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Gaining Heart

by Jim Reynolds⁽¹⁴⁾

The missionary stood on our stage, with moist eyes. In a confident but cracked voice, she had just summarized her and her husband’s lives. Showering with a scorpion, rooming with rodents, and providing for a group of orphans who didn’t speak the same language was not what these two had imagined decades ago while raising their own boys. I knew her summary fell humbly short. She didn’t mention the longing to see their grandbabies whenever they wished. She didn’t proudly boast about not ignoring God’s call, choosing instead to leave the comforts and security of retiring in America. She didn’t give room for the jealousy that must surely creep in on occasion, the frustration over other peoples’ “normal” lives. She didn’t rehash the friends, and probably family, who shook their heads in disbelief and boldly wondered aloud, questioning their motives.

“The battle is losing heart,” the missionary spoke quietly. All of the personal wrestling her and her husband grapple with, every single day, were captured in five words.

Weeks later, at 2 am, while struggling in my own heart, the missionary’s words played on a loop in my head. I had been awake for hours, tortured over not just my own messes and failures, but the hurts of the people in my pastoral care: the woman diagnosed with an untreatable, debilitating and painful disease; the impending divorces; the marriages stuck in neutral, headed for the gas chamber, but blind to the danger; the jobless; the hopeless. “How do we not lose heart when there seems to be no answers?” I asked God. “How do we not lose heart when situations are so stuck?”

Our Father directed me to Psalms. I found what I knew was there: unflinching honesty and a powerful and loving God big enough to shoulder our complaining. The Psalmist also displayed an unwavering faith, most often expressed near the end in words like, “But God, You are faithful… You are loving…” I also saw something new.

I had never noticed how many of the Psalmists’ prayers were expressed almost as wishes: “May our enemies…” and “Please, God, come in Your power and…” So many of the Psalms stop without revealing the end of the story. No tidy resolution wraps up the problem with a conveniently packaged answer. We don’t know how it turned out. Yet each is still imbued with a powerful, sometimes fought-for trust that God is who He says He is.

Holy Spirit asked me, “Does who I am change based on what’s happening to you?” I knew the answer: He can’t change. Yesterday, today, and forever, and all that. Not that I take my theology from music, but a great line from Casting Crowns says, “You are who You are no matter where I am.”

I then sensed the answer I had been waiting for. It’s still not completely satisfying, but it is truth. “Because I am who I say I am, then fight as if I am who I say I am.” If the battle is losing heart, our confidence must be in His heart. When our cries to Him grow weak as our spirit fades ( Psalm 61, 77, 142, and 143) we must, with Nehemiah, “Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight!” ( Neh. 4:14.)

Losing heart is a function of forgetting who God is. Therefore gaining our heart is a result of restoring our focus on Him. Not losing heart comes from never letting His life and His character leave our vision, even when circumstances shout a different story. My missionary friend understands this truth in ways I might never experience. Despite the daily needs, the meager supplies, and the physical toll, she holds onto a picture of God, given when her heart was fading. This is her faith, shaking a fist not at God, but at the flesh within that dares to rise up and question Him. Esther 2:11-- Every day (Mordecai) walked back and forth near the courtyard of the harem to find out how Esther was and what was happening to her.

Losing heart is a function of forgetting who God is. At sometime after 2 am, my heart strengthened, just a bit, as Holy Spirit graciously brought back who He is. According to one faithful missionary couple, He is the One who walks back and forth near us, to find out how all His adopted orphans are faring. We can’t always see Him. We suspect He takes a day off now and then. But to gain our hearts, we must trust He is near and fight as if He is by our side. Every day.

Walk WITH Jesus,

Jim

Article submitted Friday, September 30, 2011 & read 544 times.

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» left by Marijo Phelps⁽¹⁸⁰⁾ (223 days 1 hour ago.)

HE is so able - he will take our stony heart and give us a heart of flesh - sometimes I think we all need a little heart transplant, eh? So that we can see Him and begin to feel those things dear to His heart in a renewed way, once again!

» left by Jim Reynolds⁽¹⁴⁾ (221 days 5 hours ago.)

Thank you, Marijo! Yes, He IS able!

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